You’ve probably gone through at least one relationship with a narcissist. Or maybe you’re still clinging to the hope that your last relationship was different. Whether it was positive or negative, though, you might be able to identify with some of the advice given by Relationship Advice Columns across the internet.
Every relationship is unique, so what advice in this relationship advice blog is applicable to yours? All relationships are based on two basic principles: compatibility and commitment. This means that you must go through a process of finding out whether you are compatible (do you have the same values?), and also making sure that you will be able to stay committed to one another as your relationship progresses.
Here are 10 core columns that range from relationships lasting six months to twenty years and have been read over hundreds of thousands of times by people in all sorts of romantic situations like love and hate, marriage and divorce, commitment and infidelity.
1. The first few months.
This column advises readers to stay away from a narcissist who tends to have an immediate “I’m so great, you need me” attraction. The advice reads, “She may be beautiful and intelligent, but that’s the only thing she has going for her.” And it goes on, “You’re just an object to her, a source of entertainment for the week or two you’re together.” According to some online message boards this article is very likely based off of one written by an ex-girlfriend who was cheated on by a narcissist. And it gives the best advice I can imagine anyone who’s had this experience could give: Don’t get involved with them!
2. Blow him off.
This column advises readers to blow the narcissist off after infatuation has passed. The advice reads, “You didn’t know how to handle it, you were dazzled by her beauty and intelligence.” The article also explains that this is not a chance to enjoy the love of your life because of how they respond. It reads, “If she can’t take your rejections gracefully, forget about her.”
3. Break up with him.
The advice given in this article is basically the same as blowing him off. The only difference being that it’s more intense than just being hurt by rejecting them less than a week after meeting them. The advice reads, “If she can’t take your rejections gracefully, forget about her.” The advice continues with the recommendation to not have a relationship that has no future and is filled with lies.
4. He’s just so in love with himself.
This article advises readers to be cautious of a narcissist if he or she is very obsessed with his or her own self-worth. The advice reads, “If you’re dating a guy who brags about his achievements and wealth, it’s not a good sign.” It also continues to say, “Keep in mind that this type of guy will have confidence issues and may resort to lying and belittling others because he has low self-esteem. That’s a major red flag since he’ll probably be the same with you.”
5. He cheated on me.
The advice given in this article is very sound and is basically that of the #1 and #5 articles already listed. The article says, “When you date a narcissistic man, the relationship will be all about him. He wants to control everything about how you dress, act and speak because he loves to brag about his ‘trophy wife.’ If you are into this sort of relationship, then go for it.” It also says something very important: “If you’re not going to compromise your values for him or change yourself to make him happy, it won’t work out in the long run. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and your beliefs. Don’t put up with someone’s behavior just because it’s convenient.”
6. He cheats on me again.
This article is almost identical to the #5 article, except that it gives an extra bit of advice that the narcissist will never accept who you are. It reads, “A man who is in love with himself keeps you at a distance emotionally and physically because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable.” And it continues to say, “He won’t change his ways or work on the relationship because he is so self-absorbed. He knows what he thinks and feels is right and that will never change. He needs a woman who is subservient to him and happy with the way he treats her.”
7. She’s needy.
The advice given in this article is very sound. It reads, “Let’s face it: Women can be needy, but a love-bombing female narcissist is a red neon arrow pointing out your neediness. She will make you feel like you’re the only one in the world and how can she find someone else she adores more than you?” It then continues, “When you put up with her behavior that’s a sure sign of what kind of relationship she wants. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries and treats you like a child, then get out.” And it concludes with, “Anyone who can’t handle criticism doesn’t have the self-confidence to be in a happy relationship.”
8. We’re getting married.
This article advises readers to remember a narcissist will always portray themselves as a prize to be won, not actually being giddy about the future marriage. The advice reads, “It’s hard for people suffering from low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy to attend church regularly or join community organizations that are centered around loving others without expecting something back. They may do it, but they’re not excited about doing it. Instead, they will be very excited to tell others about how wonderful and happy they are because of their new found love.”
It also reads, “They gladly gush to the guys at work about their new fiancee. They’ll be evasive about personal information and try to steer the conversation back to themselves when questions from friends and family members don’t go their way.” And finally: “If you get married, your fiancée will put on a show for all your friends and family by pretending to worship you even if he or she doesn’t really respect you or feel a deep connection with you.”
9. We’re getting divorced.
The advice given in this article is very sound and is basically what the #7 and #8 articles said. It reads, “When you scratch the surface of a narcissist and look beneath the facade, you will often find that he has one main love: himself. And narcissists are not good with the notion of being hurt or rejected, which is why they will cheat on you.” The advice goes on to say, “They’ll be evasive about personal information and try to steer the conversation back to themselves when questions from friends and family members don’t go their way.” And it also recommends always remembering that these people do not feel any emotions.
10. He’s a gas.
This advice is pretty good because it shows someone that their partner is a liar by using the example of gas. It reads, “A man who is in love with himself keeps you at a distance emotionally and physically because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable.” It continues by saying, “He won’t change his ways or work on the relationship because he is so self-absorbed. He knows what he thinks and feels is right and that will never change. He needs a woman who is subservient to him and happy with the way he treats her. When you date a narcissistic man, the relationship will be all about him. He wants to control everything how you dress, act and speak because he loves to brag about his ‘trophy wife.'”